My FAQ

ON ANIMALS…

(Real name is being kept discreet but ‘Jonah’ will have to do for now).

Chris: Okay, Jonah, if you had to become any animal, what would you be and why?

Jonah : I would want to become a lion ‘cause lions are very strong and ferocious and also like to run really fast and they are also at the top of the hierarchy so I would like to become a lion.

Chris: Okay, that’s…that’s an interesting response. Now…would you ever eat a lion for dinner?

Jonah: Um…no. Because it’s not allowed in my religion because I can’t eat any sort of animal which, which like actually eats meat, so no.

Chris: Oh really? I never knew…

Jonah: Yeah…

Chris: So you can only eat herbivores?

Jonah: I can only eat herbivores, yeah, like cows, goats and stuff so I can’t eat anything [which eats meat].

Chris: So, so…can you eat shark fin? Because sharks…

Jonah: I’ve never had shark, so…

Chris: Oh, so you’ve never tried shark’s fin?

Jonah: No, I’ve never tried shark’s fin, so…I’m not sure because no one in my family, no one in my family has tried it, so I can’t give an accurate response but I don’t think so because we can’t eat dogs…

Chris: Oh.

Jonah: Because dogs eat meat so we can’t eat that and we can’t eat snakes either.

Chris: Alright, now, would you rather be eaten by a pack of sharks or swallowed by a whale?

Jonah: I would rather be swallowed by a whale.

Chris: How come?

Jonah: I would rather be swallowed by one animal rather than, you know, many animals eating you up. I would rather want one animal to, you know, finish off you quickly rather than everyone having, you know…a small piece.

Chris: A slice of the pizza?

Jonah: A slice of the pizza, so I’d rather want one person to have as much as he can.

Chris: I see…would, would you rather be eaten by a whale or an elephant?

Jonah: Um…it’s quite difficult but…it’s quite difficult to say an answer but…I would probably say…elephant maybe, because I think elephants are nice animals rather than whales, ‘cause you know, normally people regards elephants as, you know, quite friendly animals, so I’d rather be eaten by an elephant. Because whales…I’m not sure, whales…thing is, whales, I’ve never, you know, I’ve actually never seen a whale in my life so I’m not sure I should be eaten by a whale but an elephant, you know, there are actually many kinds of elephants, and they’re actually quite friendly, so I’d rather be eaten by an elephant.

Chris: Friendly?

Jonah: Yeah I think, I think elephants are…quite friendly, I think they’re quite friendly when compared to lions, tigers and other sorts of animals.

Chris: Even when an elephant’s eating you?

Jonah: Well, if it’s eating you, it’s not gonna be friendly, obviously but it’s, you know, finishing you off, but if I have an option to be, you know, finished off by a whale or an elephant I’d rather be finished off by an elephant.

Chris: I…I see. Do you…if, if you…would you keep an elephant as a pet?

Jonah: Um…I wouldn’t keep an elephant as a pet because, you know, elephants are really big firstly, and number two, they can also get really…they can also get angry really quickly I think and can get really angry and, um, I think to, also, you know…it’s a really weird question I don’t…I don’t really know how to put it into words. I think, you know, elephants also have trunks, which makes it a bit harder to, you know, it makes it a bit harder for the person to look after it. I think the main reason is that elephants are really big and they also make a lot of noise so wherever you live and if you have an elephant it’s gonna be really weird for all the people living around you and also hard for the people living with you.

Chris: Ok, ok, thanks for your time [Undisclosed name].

Jonah: No problem. Pretty weird questions, eh?

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